It's the end of my car as I know it...and I feel fine

So my general bitching about my car on here is not to warrant the “oh, poor Mel” boo hoo pity party, or a “save my ass” fundraiser, as the ex suggested; but more along the lines of: sparing my friends from yet another needless rambling bitchfest about the woes of being a paycheck to paycheck human like most Americans now of days and the unfortunate event of your 02 Mazda wagon deciding to shit all over itself at once…

So the Friday of said incident begins like this: just finished swimming at the gym and emerge from the parking structure to cold rain-in fucking June; and oh did I mention 7 inches of snow at the local tip-IN JUNE?!- Anywho…the oil light pops on, and before any of you fuckers say “why’d you drive it with no oil?!” fuck you. I am not a car retard female with no concept of a seized up motor…mmm-kay? This particular oil light wouldn’t have mattered if I drove straight to the store to put some in-for I got one mere block from the gym before my car decided to shut itself off in mid flight. After coasting into a construction sight I tried to start it. The starter turns, but the motor doesn’t crank; and to add another pleasantry…my car is dumping all of its oil.

So fast forward to Tuesday this week; as my car made it to a shop at closing on Friday and sat until then…I learn that yes, my car decided to in fact have a nervous breakdown and go into a temper tantrum. The conversation goes like this:
Shop: your car had no oil in the motor
Me: I understand that, because as I had mentioned, it dumped it all in the lot where it died
S: here’s the run down
Me: I’ve got the lube and I’m ready, bring on the hurt
S: oil leaked out of a bad seal on the filter; we replaced the oil and there was no compression. We checked the valves, they’re fine; we checked the timing, the belt was lose and jumped 6 teeth. We fixed the belt and put on a new tensioner. However, we’re not getting any spark to the plugs so we have to run an electrical diagnostic. Basically you’re extremely lucky, normally I’d be making the ‘you need a new motor’ call here with these conditions, but not you.
Me: sweet merciful weirdoes wearing their grannies panties and rubbing themselves in peanut butter and Nutella for small favors (relaxes butt cheeks)
Shop: Your car needs a new computer, its dead
Me: beg pardon? It’s a 02 and a Mazda for that matter, shouldn't these things last forever?
Shop: it happens…$1046 for the new computer and install
Me: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! I HAD A 17YR MUSTANG whose COMPUTER NEVER SHIT ON ME?!

I remember when I got my sweet little wagon…(cue harps and fuzzy fluffy edges around my memory) I had an 89 5.0, highly supped up; it was my baby, it hauled ass, took corners, made itself known for miles, rocked a sweet system and basically ate shitty rice rockets in So Cal for breakfast. Alas, with all that power and torque, came the wonderful 8-12mpg stat. So enter my wagon…a cute little mom mobile that I could toss all my gear into and still have plenty of room for my friends. With good gas mileage, AC, reliability and most of all, no modifications. (Other than me lowering it, rims and a DVD/Monitor system) I kept the stang and my wagon became my daily driver; and I didn’t even mind so much that it was a 4cylinder when the thing got me home from Vegas in 2.5hours.

Yep, she’s been good to me, and the end is in sight on my payments and I’ll probably keep her when paid off…but I’m realizing, I miss the simplicity of an old car. No computer, no fancy doo-dads, easy electrical, carburetors and when they break they're not requiring of a expensive mechanic's bill

(hit and run victim; story for another day)