Oh the weary traveler

I'm sitting here on a Friday night typing instead of going out. Shit, wait, its Wednesday?! See what happens when you quit your 8-5 gig in hopes of bettering yourself in college? Fucking aye.

I'm going somewhere with this entry…really.

(you could just reach out and touch it)

I use to hate flying-shit, I STILL hate it. But with the amount of travel my life has seen and taken on over the last year, I've become quite the professional nomadic weary traveler. On the off occasion I choose to leave the metal steed at home and take a metal death trap bird instead. I've got a system to deal with my flying phobia(well not the flying part but the falling out of the sky into a fiery blaze of molten steel towards an earth shattering crash…), Vicodin and a beer before flying puts me to sleep and eases the white knuckle grabbing on the arm rest from the tiniest bit of turbulence. I have also become amazingly proficient with packing luggage. For example, my current trip to Seattle. I will be here for 10 days but instead of checking a large bag that comfortably fits many a clothing option to satisfy my fashion slut needs…I choose option small; as in 'carry on'. The trick, I've learned, is to wear the bulkiest items onto the plane. In my case, my big motor boots, sweater, thick socks, scarf and pea coat. Please see exhibit A:

1 pair heels
1 pair vans
4 pair jeans
6 t-shirts
2 vests
2 purses
1 flat iron
1 PJ
14 pair undies(always need clean undies. what happens if you get in an accident?)
9 pair socks
3 sweaters
1 Skirt
4 dress shirts
2 ties
1 hat 1 beanie 1 belt
2 tanks
cosmetics bag


I am highly impressed with myself, hence this post; its all to feed my ego for my packing victory.

Sandstorm Slut

My loving man Sam plays in a fantastically talented band, of which I do not fully know the name, as the little punk eluded to maybe The Sons but who knows(probably thinks "Well if I tell you, there would be no mystique left about me and what fun would that be? Now be a good woman and fetch me a whiskey and PBR"). UPDATE: Sleepy Suns. Check them out, amazing

I'm super excited about what they're doing and I know I'm not the only one. So I'm going to write about one of their songs in particular: Sandstorm Woman. This is an intensely sexy song that has a feel of classic rock with a mixture of moody strong guitars and a dash of some blues upbringing. From the early unraveling of the song with the devilish woman's laugh taunting you, you know you're in for a ride. I can't help but think of Zeppelin's "Since I've been loving you" which also exudes raw bluesy emotion and strong guitars; basically, shit you can get naked and dirty to.

Permit me a rant to get my point of sexuality across...

Men, imagine an incredibly sexy woman of your desires giving you a private dance...intimate. She'd be dancing to this song; slowly slinking towards you, guided by the slow drum beats. She drops to her knees in front of you, only to climb up your legs, using her body against yours; conducting electricity through the tension. She keeps eye contact all the while she ascends. You can feel her heat as see makes your dream a reality...

Back to the song...

Most of the song has a slow gyrating rhythm, begging you to move your hips hypnotically, swaying from side to side, eyes closed as singers Rachel and Bret croon and wail pure sex into your Temporal Cortex...at the 5:30 mark of the song, the tempo picks up into a faster kick you out of you daze, rock. He screams and you can envision her bent over howling into the microphone while gripping it by the throat. By that point of the song, if you're not completely out of your mind aroused, you're either 80, out of Viagra or dead. At the 7:11 mark, the drums become primal and then the song just escalates further into an all out fuck you jam session.

Whatever fantasy this song aids you for tickle time; be it a feverish make-out session or sex, it has an undeniable raw feeling of existence and the invisible push to make you move

Please check out their live performance video here:

http://cliquebang.blogspot.com/2010/01/sandstorm-slut-sam-says.html

They have posted a lot of live performances on their blog; it's the top link from my page, Cliquebang. Definitely go and check them out, spread the word.

A gloomy rainy day song

Good trippy and pretty song with beautiful accoustic guitar melodies, for grey skies and sad hearts. Goldfrapp's "Montser Love"

"I never thought I would return
To be consumed by you again
Think you're cured, you'd see it come
The folly of a monster love like you

Grey is good, the light is good
We went down to Hollywood
You only get one chance in Tinsel Town
I save the part, the sweetest part shook for you

Everything comes around
Bringing us back again
Here is where we start
And where we end

Never thought I would return
To be consumed by you again
But I know a paper moon
The folly of a monster love like you

The pavement smell just after rain
The sun leaps out, it's clear again
I told you how I felt the earth could move
The folly of a monster love like you

Everything comes around
Bringing us back again
Here is where we start
And where we end

Everything comes around
Bringing us back again
Here is where we start
And where we end

Everything comes around
Bringing us back again
Here is where we start
And where we end

Everything comes around
Bringing us back again
Here is where we start
And where we end

Everything comes around"



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I was always the cool car

When we played Monopoly growing up


(The Lovely Bones is intensely engaging. Good for keeping one's thoughts from entering the engulfing arms of sadness)

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A little rain and So Cal shuts down

Torrential rains and gusty winds hit the hills near my grandmother's compound today and knocked a tree down, causing a power outage...I guess good a time as any to do a little reading by candle light while I "sit" gran...
Not like she's gonna talk to me anyway...


(dinner...half a egg salad sammie with asiago cheese, chips and beer. Very healthy :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2009 Acid Reflux

I frequently ramble like a raving lunatic inside my head but getting me to sit down and make sense of these rambles on paper is something of a different monster. I often come up with my most in depth insights in the car, drifting off to sleep or other inopportune places that don't allow for me to transcribe them. I get distracted easily and then my best thought golden nuggets of wisdom that even Ghandi would be proud of, are flushed down to mediocrity. I've thought about using the voice recorder on my iPhone, but frankly the sound of my own voice is worse than Sarah Palin's values.(granted, I used said iPhone for my presentation for school; it's tits-like hand tossed warm ooey gooey slice of pizza at two am to soak up your functioning alcoholism)

As I sit here and map out the game plan for 2010, I've been reflecting on the past malay of activities of 2009...

The new year started with a shadow of my grandfather's death in December of 08 and some healing after an old relationship. Nevertheless, I had hopes for a new year of accomplishments, taking my heart into my own hands and obtaining a love beyond my expectations. Also to just fucking live without regrets; roll with the punches; learn; stop being scared.

One day as I sat at the desk of my droll job, I decided enough was enough. Why waste my days falling asleep at my desk, counting the minutes and my splits ends, until my favorite chat buddy hopped online to help me past the day. Fuck this shit, I'm going to do something with myself. Thus, after 14 years, I decided to finally go to college. The decision was made towards the beginning of the year and after that, it was a landslide of speeding proportion and I started in the summer. Along with that decision came the fact that I would be leaving my beloved Seattle for a new adventure of San Francisco; another city I adore.

Unfortunately in April, I received a phone call while I sat in my car in a grocery store parking lot. Unsettling news delivered from my brother as I discovered my uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. My body let loose and I balled. You think about all things with an ending when faced with death, even if not your own. The fact that, yes, life is far too fucking short and 'what the hell have I been wasting my life on?'. I decided to vacate the Emerald Isle much sooner than anticipated. I made it back to my hometown in the beginning of June to a once burly looking dude, who had now become a delicate man who exclaimed "I'm gonna beat this shit". He passed a few weeks later... luckily I had those precious few weeks with him. Steve was a good man, a gnarly looking biker dude, with a long ponytail as well as beard entangled with greys but true to his heart in protecting his kin...My mother lost one of her good friends in her brother that day.

I only planned on being south for a few months but unfortunately funding for school was scarce and my presence was apparently an aid in my mother's sanity as she begun to take care of her third family member to their death...her mother. knowing that my mother has gone from caring for her aunt after a stroke, her father, her brother-to death and now her mother...its not to hard to see why I would hang around more. Granted, the washing of dishes, household chores and sometimes yard work doesn't seem like much but I do what I can.

You may think to yourself "this could be a fun situation to fuck around with someone who has Alzheimer's". Like: "hey gran, over there. No not me, no, the other me. remember?" She however, is not a fun and wacky victim of the mind loss...she's a viper. Nevertheless, you try to deal, cope, dig deep for the patience to not bitch slap a frail old woman who accuses you of all the missing and wrong doings things around her.

some excerpts:
Imagine if you will a shrunken 80 year old woman, cane in one hand, two fingers lifted in a gun gesture with the other, telling you "you can wipe with your own fingers for all i care!"; in response to the usage of the toilet paper.

(father and I drew this in our frustrations. Yes, I'm sure we'll burn in Hell...if Hell existed)

or
"does all she do is wash the dishes and put them in the rack? that's it?!". Why no gran, I also fart platinum unicorn dust on them, which magically makes all your food taste better.

Please excuse the bald spot on my head. While you're at it, ignore the wad of my hair in my fist too. After the anger subsides, all I can do is laugh it off and try to make the best. Bottom line, losing your mind has got to be a frustrating and extremely scary situation to deal with. Sad.

As for me, I continue with my head down and power forward. It would seem this vagabond life is taking its toll on my back...the couch and floor surfing and the stress of being around an unhappy family can put one's mindset into a dark place; dour; moody. Seattle calls to me as does San Francisco...I love them both. Southern California is a bad break up gone awry; I need to flee again...but I must be patient...must; my time is nearing with the turn of the new day/year/decade. Fuck this struggling.

However, I did indeed find an amazing person who stole my heart...through ups and downs; fights and flights; he's been an amazing presence and ear to my plight. I am happy to finally be in school. So it wasn't a total negative year...it just had some MAJOR speed bumps.

So this year I'm not doing resolutions because I know what needs to be done: school, move, get my own space again to freely walk around nude eating some Hagan Daas with a beer chaser...and a bed, sweet glorious naked Matthew Goode-give me a bed again...I'm going to focus on what I want to do: travel more, do more art and kiss the man of my heart's desire

To my circumstances and mindset, I dedicate Celebration's "Holiday"...it's kind of speaking my words in a song...

"These days are dark.
I lack the spark, to shine, to find my mind baby,
and I'm too sharp, to play the part for you.
For you... where do all my rubies shine?
I paid the devil to lose my mind.
And these days, these days are black as coal.
I imagine my lost soul...
away on some paid holiday.
Ahh, it's ok if it's not far away, away
Babe, what happens to us now?
I lost my will to shout, to dig my body out.
For this loss, Oh lord i paid the cost...
and for this pain, my gentle soul remains away on some paid holiday.
Ahh, it's ok if it's not far away, away.
Time beats so slow... these days are dark.
And I'm too sharp to play the part for you...
for you... where do all my rubies shine?
I paid the devil to lose my mind.
And these days are black as coal.
I imagine my lost soul away on some paid holiday.
Ahh, it's ok if it's not far away, away.
I know there is one way, to bring it on down now.
Here we are.
No matter where we start, I'll always be apart from my unbroken heart,
and so you keep me close, what matters to you most is that I'll stay.
Bring it on down now.
Where do all my rubies shine?"

OMFG-there's a kid on your leg!

So I’m an auntie….it’s true. My brother, who like me, was very adamant about disliking the parasite nation of children much like myself, decided a handful of years ago to feel his mortality. I know, I know, but it’s true. So here we are, 5 years later, and I am a very proud auntie of a 5year-old-something nephew. Yes. I am Auntie M. As a very proud auntie, I support my blood by going to his functions; more specifically…his first on-stage-mortifying-force-you-to-participate-class-function sing along ‘Jingle Bells’ bullshit. He is adorable, truth. I babysit my uber smart nephew once a week...but in all reality, I think my brother does it in hopes of me disliking the parasite nation a little less…

So me, loving my nephew, must attend my beloved blood rite’s first public humiliation situation…a Christmas sing song something or other. I must admit (between you and me) that shit was fucking adorable. It slightly pulled at my uterus strings. TRUTH. Shhh, it’s a secret (since I’m really not in the mood for kids any time soon). A bunch of kindergarten and first graders singing some festive song…my nephew not really caring; just wishing the shit was over-I could totally see it in his eyes. He was me at that age. My brother has been blessed with a child, that in essence, got me as a child; poor bastard-BUT-but...the minute that kid comes up to me and latches onto my leg, I gotta admit…

I LOVE being an auntie.

(look for the translucent child that glows in the dark. That's my fam)

(best looking kid in the whole world. don't trip, you know its truth)